Act as if you are your Aspirational Self.
Alfred Adler, one of the founding fathers of modern psychology & psychotherapy, famously introduced the concept of “acting as if.” In this practice he would encourage his client, often someone suffering from some sort of fear, phobia, or social dysfunction, to choose to enter into that situation voluntarily between sessions and “act as if” they were a person not bothered by that fear. His hypothesis was that, if a person acted out the role they were normally too afraid to do, through this action they would become the new, better version of themselves.
…and I can already hear the gears in your brain grinding to a halt.
Let’s simplify it a bit. I have no real evidence of this, but I would contend that Adlers “acting as if” practice is the root of the very common phrase, “fake it ‘til you make it.”
Now let me be clear, I do not believe that simply acting certain ways will yield instant, lasting, or really any change. No, instead I would say that select actions taken with purpose and intention can show us that we have the capacity to do the things we fear.
Here is where I introduce the idea of the “Aspirational Self.”
The Aspirational Self (also known as Self Concept) at it’s broadest level is the version of ourselves that exists in our mind when we think about “who we should be.” Our Aspirational Self is how we could be if we lived out all of our values consistently and perfectly. It’s idealistic. In the best of cases it calls us to transcend our lower self, muddled by the impulses of the present moment, and to become someone better. In the worst of cases our Aspirational Self is so unrealistic, or our ability to accept that we can never permanantly be that version of ourselves never actualizes that we become paralyzed by perfectionistic thinking… which leads to anxiety, negative views of ourselves, and a spiral of inaction. All of which perpetuates the belief that we are “never” going to live up to who we should be.
This is why it is important to identify our points of action and begin living out who we thing we should be, while simultaneously accepting our imperfect nature. If we move forward living as if we are this set of aspirational virtues, we will slowly move closer and closer to seeing that come to fruition. It is the very essence of continuous self improvement. If we set our target just beyond our current capability, we can strive to meet it with reasonable effort. Then, having found new found confidence, we can once again shift our target to just beyond our newfound capacity. Across time we find ourselves on an upward trajectory of improvement, all stemming from our decision to begin acting as if we are the Best Version of Ourselves.
So how does one identify their aspirational self? Below are some guiding questions to help you get started:
What are my values? What is meaningful to me Morally, Spiritually, Practically?
What do I want to see better in the world? How can I live that out, even if I live it out alone?
When I think about living a balanced life, what would that look like?
What manner of work or challenge do I find enriching or exciting?
What makes me joyful? Righteously indignant? Moved to tears?